Tuesdays Ticking Time Bomb

I currently regret saying, "I don't give a s#!t" on a very literal level right now because I would give just about anything to have one- take one, make one etc... Which is why this very special Green Eyed Monster Tuesday is brought to you by the letters "F" and "U" cause right now I am SO jealous of my husband and dog I could curse.  I love them dearly, but it seems just like with falling asleep for them these creatures that I adore can do it like clockwork. WTF?! It's NOT funny anymore. Now, I'm pissed. Every time Adam or Reggie relieve themselves I get more angry. Because that's what being constipated does. It makes you MEAN! Which makes me question with all seriousness a good number of senior citizens' and Rush Limbaugh's regularity. I wish I was kidding, but a couple of weeks ago when my darling husband was taking one of his marathon craps I lost it. (And by the way how do guys spend half an hour + in the bathroom for that?! Even when I could go with no issue I'm in an out in 5 minutes max. I remember as a kid my brother doing the same thing. What are they doing in there? Solving world peace?) Seriously is it a testosterone thing or do women just think, "I've got too much shit to do (pun intended) other than sitting here on the pot for half the day.") Anywho, Adam's in the bathroom, doing his business, minding his business and as I walked by I just said, "I hate you!" It just rolled off my tongue, like I was saying, "Good morning" or "How are you today?" I don't know what happened, but I couldn't help it. He heard me say something but couldn't discern my contempt so I played it off saying something like, "I found you!" This is not the woman he married! Deep breaths. You ever hear of that children's book "Everyone Poops"? Well, I'm here to counter that book/statement with a resounding, "No- no they f'ing don't!" Not everyone poops- at least not when they want to. Right now, I unfortunately rank at the top of that list and I can't really take anything for it except more water, exercise, veggies & fiber which I'm doing but sometimes all that does is make you a human whoopee cushion. Pregnancy makes you the Mohave Desert of bowel movements. Take normal frequency then add the extra iron from the prenatal pills and the folic acid ('cause one can never be too careful) and voila- what do you get? A woman who if she came across a genie in a bottle would use one of those three incredibly valuable wishes to Cleanse. My. Colon. No s#!t. I realize this is part of the process and I've just got to roll, but if this is "our" pregnancy shouldn't we be sharing in all the fun?!