My conclusions on dealing the "baby won't stop crying dilemma"

Obviously, you want to rule out anything physically wrong with your baby in the 8 billion doctors appointments you have when they are a newborn. My friend's baby didn't stop crying for a 48 hour period until they figured out that one of her hairs had wrapped around the baby's toe and was cutting off circulation causing toe tourniquet syndrome. (Yep, someone named it so you can label your guilt). HAHA I'm kidding!!
But once you know that you're dealing with a healthy kid, here's what I've gathered from my girlfriends... lets see if I remember a single one when I'm spinning in circles begging for a break from the madness.

• Put the baby down in a safe place and go pee. Everything seems better when you're sitting on the toilet.

• Listen to music. Even if you can still hear the baby it drowns out that upper octave that only a 2-month old and Mariah Carey can hit.

• Get earplugs. Again, just enough to take off the edge.

• Try to sing Led Zepplin's Immigrant Song so it sounds like your baby is taking the "AHhhaahhhhaaa" part.

• Bounce on an exercise ball and watch tv while your baby is strapped to your chest in a carrier. You may as well whittle your ass off while you lose your mind.

• Find one of those little old ladies that stop you in the mall and tell you that these are the best days of your life and give them the screaming baby. Fun fun, SUCKER.

• Find a slightly deaf relative to just hold the baby while you sit outside and cry.

• Write a nasty hormonal email to your spouse (or Gwyneth Paltrow) telling them how much you hate them and how you want to smother them in their sleep. Then don't send it. No point in burning that bridge in a moment of fury.

• Go for a walk with the baby strapped to you somewhere noisy. Babies love it when they are steeped in chaos and your exhaustion. An outdoor market, a busy street, or a college bar should do the trick – you get the gist.

• Do the "Aum" sound that Buddhist Monks do repeatedly while holding your baby on your chest. My Father-in-Law has perfected this sound and put every baby he held out like a light. He seriously should be rented out to new parents.

• Tell your baby your worst secrets ever. Who the hell are they going to tell?

• Draw a moustache with eyeliner on your baby's upper lip so they look like an angry outlaw while they cry.

• Cry right along with them and see who can outlast the other like a Boo Hoo showdown.

• Vacuum. You may as well have a clean house to show for your insanity.

• Have a shower and blow dry your hair. Be fancy and oblivious to the screams like Celine Dion!

• Dress your baby up in a Halloween costume. I shit you not that I did this and it's pretty hard to get frustrated with a screaming skunk.

the list may continue when real life experiences come into play... that's when it will get really entertaining and interesting :)